“The schizo knows how to leave: he as made departure into something as simple as being born or dying. But at the same time his journey is strangely stationary, in place. he does not speak of another world, he is not from another world: even when he is displacing himself in space, his is a journey in intensity, around the desiring-machine that is erected here and remains here. For here is the desert propagated by our world, and also the new earth, and the machine that hums, around which the schizos revolve, planets for a new sun. These men of desire—or do they not yet exist?—are like Zarathustra. They know incredible sufferings, vertigos, and sicknesses. They have their specters. They must reinvent each gesture. But such a man produces himself as a free man, irresponsible, solitary, and joyous, finally able to say and do something simple in his own name, without asking permission; a desire lacking nothing, a flux that overcomes barriers and codes, a name that no longer designates any ego whatever. He has simply ceased being afraid of becoming mad. He experiences and lives himself as the sublime sickness that will no longer affect him.” [Deleuze & Guattari, Anti-Oedipus]
.but must i choose between truth and light, untruth and darkness? you and your sickness affect me, and so what then of it, you prick. must i take part, too, so long as you are happy? your cultural bullshit makes a we of i, but then what of the you? before it was about getting rid of this dance, the pronouns, because yes, we are all human, but your little hurricane can play with notions of society and take off when and if you please. what is wrong with choosing society, with wanting it, to take part in it, isn’t that here, too? i live it, plug into it every fucking day, on the bus, i wake up, step up, into, and fall back asleep again. some days are better than others. spring comes again. a mud ball shines like porcelain. i would like we to be happy, too. but if it’s my neurosis, your psychosis, still wanting to accept, just “somewhere not around you.” my love is a fucking wall right now, coupled with half-truths, awe-struck darkness and the grossest sadness. thanks for the process.
the worst timing and the grossest sadness here too. i go and push in the bricks. a case by case basis. it was always an end of the world scenario in my head. yes, you can trust her any day every day with anything with everything, not me. an i and not a we. people. me. always wrong and always too late. the weight of things. losing. you are so important to me but what does that mean. that i can go and fuck everything up. that i pull at your faith. and yes honesty was always important. you were amazed when i told them the truth. makes hurt stronger. i look at your pictures, the staircase “please forgive me”, the wall “i forgive you”.