i walk in and order take out. a bit of discussion follows as i ask them to mix two dishes together. tiger vegetables and shredded tofu skin. your favourite. i walk out again then walk back in to sit and wait. a head pops up near my face. are you ok? english with an accent: you look confused.———————you walk around campus. you’d never been here at night. your search was fruitless. a passer-by passes by though stops for a second to look you in the eye. you wonder if perhaps you’d met before and give a faint smile then walk on. passer-by walks back towards you and says: it’s as if you give off light.——————–you start to watch a movie but the alcohol, the lack of sleep and the softness of the bed take over so you sleep but sleeping isn’t just sleeping and somehow you get yourself into a similar mess. when you wake up his arm is around you his hand is stroking your body, lips on your face. No.——————–learning. giving up learning to learn more.——————–sometimes her general okay-ness amazes you as just below the surface you knows she’s accelerating on a downward spiral.——————–dancing. you dance seven hours to make up for about six months of next to none. you’re happy when he finally joins you for ten minutes after three hours, shyly moving his hands and feet. the next day he gets the chorus wrong every time.——————–you’re delighted to see london, backs in macks, long blonde hair on the bus, his japanese wife and a ping pong bat.——————–in the taxi that night.——————–you eat a pineapple like never before. the way one would eat an apple without tools. you buy it ready skinned. eat it holding on to the prickly leaves. your mouth remains a sour mess for several hours after.——————–coming from, going to, New York.———————you’re fine, after two days.——————–soil. what more to say.——————–you wish.——————–you’d like to want.——————–enough.——————–extra RAM. that’s what you needed. on a sunday afternoon. you’re in a hurry, don’t want to spend hours negotiating. three nerdy college boys. apple computers. do you sell extra RAM? __GB, ___MB or 256 MB? 256. how much? they giggle. 400. they giggle. any cheaper? they giggle more. 350. more giggles. 320. 320. ok. ok. no more giggles.——————–you love the phenomenon of 爬山。爬山。climbing a mountain. climbing a mountain in china. pinstripe suits, nylon socked feet in high heeled sandals, stairs with railings and p h o t o g r a p h s. you think about filming.——————–walnuts. she changed her mind. walnuts, now her favourite nuts. brazil nuts no more. too oily, too chunky, too filling. walnuts two miniature brains in a hard shell. pure joy. knowing when to stop. she thinks about asking his opinion on walnuts.——————–they left. they left many things. she left. her shampoo for curly hair from her local drugstore. your hair is straight. like strands of uncooked spaghetti (?). you use it. your hair has never felt better.——————–you still wonder if his mother told him to say he was going to go 爬山 tomorrow instead of just saying he would join another kindergarten.——————–you are sick or perhaps not really just ultimately exhausted and have a cold with the potential of turning into flu. and an upset stomach. only your boss knows. you sleep. all day. you haven’t done so in years. finally you get yourself together. it’s 8 pm. contacts. you need new contacts. the ones you wear now are already too old and thinning making you feel worse. your usual store is closed by the time you get there. you venture out to the central shopping street. dazed you walk. tourists. people. stuff. tourists. flyers. tourists. p h o t o g r a p h s. contacts. six months. 198 a box. then hunger. you never eat burgers. you never eat fries. the holiday inn and you and burgers and fries. and ketchup. upon paying the bill you ask for a doggie bag of the complementary bread. he must think you weird. jason.——————–was it you that night. in that brightly lit space. did our eyes meet as he was walking me to the gate.——————–and then you didn’t but you also wanted to tell him that you obsess. spy. always there in the back of your head. someone he may know.——————–you met them. lesbians he said. he told you about them. he had given you their number. you hadn’t called yet. some days later. you think. you recognize that face peeking up from the person hugging it popping up on your screen. you scroll down. there they are. lesbians. captured. you think of sending him the link. decide against it. you’d rather hide it. your waste of time. http://www.blogcn.com/user33/breathnew/index.html——————–wrinkles. they start at the edge of his eyes following along the border of his cheeks. framing his cheeks like a picture frame when he smiles. he sends her a text message when she thinks about this. ——————–never quite clear about somersaults. till now.——————–i’ll invite him to the dorodango picnic.——————–then i discover the inside of the cucumber i’m eating is hollow.———————the coffee lobby. confusion. i get my order. i think. a croissant. mustard. lettuce. no egg. he gets his order. we think. a croissant. mustard. no lettuce. no egg.——————–the tofu skin maker. you wonder if you’ll ever see him again. and if you did, would you say you still thought he was the sexiest man in this country.——————–sex. food. laundry. it says on her list. they went out. she couldn’t find fries. they went home. she was unstoppable. whatever did you eat? he asked as she wouldn’t let him sleep. when she finally did have enough she couldn’t sleep, got up and did all the laundry that had been waiting two weeks.——————–japan. now you get tired of talking about it. heavy. loaded. kindergarten debates.——————–this is my mermaid outfit she said as she was about to walk out the door, yellow 1元 ikea bag in hand.——————–nobody knows. but when everyone’s gone. you sneak into the kitchen and steal a bite. a peanut. a cookie. a date.——————–just climb out the window she says and you do. you choose your boss’s window.——————–later i find out he’s half chinese half swedish. it’s his favourite restaurant. david stenqvist (mba). i say: spot on. that’s my general state of mind.

show and tell

imagine this is what in front of you. what are you thinking about?

Posted by haxi | more »

haxi: saturday, february twenty-fifth, nine thirty, one gongti north street, i’ll be wearing this:

were you there? (photo credit due to: www.annsofieback.com —-> check out the new season —-> like all of us: blog c r a z y)

Posted by a | more »

later and later

listening to your lesson while getting ready to go outside to the market to buy some walnuts for breakfast. i hear a loud shrieking noise. i wonder if it is in the recording. then i think about the fact that i’m not spending enough time on my chinese. the shrieking continues. is it little girls? the sound is so high-pitch then i realize it must be the neighbourhood dogs. i open the slide door to hear better. someone accross the street is looking out the window too. then i notice that the red lantern that hung outside the ninth floor window opposite me has fallen to the ground. much later as i get off the subway, a sudden empty patch of space appears amid a sea of commuters and a lost glove, middle finger pointing upward. fuck you. jerry’s world is a cleaner world, cindy’s is a polluted one. jerry coloured his bus exhaust smoke cloud blue. cindy coloured it grey. then later as i’m about to go for a run i see someone has hung the fallen, dented lantern from a tree.

Posted by a | reply »

face up, eyes closed, thinking about looking at the sky

Posted by a | more »

from [10] You may also have known how the world might be changed

Edouard Glissant once discussed that “the idea of a non-linear time, coexistence of several time zones, would of course allow for a great variety of different contact zones”. Hans Ulrich Obrist quoted him in his introductory notes for the recent Guangzhou Triennial, talking about the multiplicity of the international art scene, in its boom of biennials, triennials, symposia and festivals, as a means for finding new ways to maneuver within the contemporary art dialectic. Mieszko calls it mingling.

I still get upset when I think about the time David passed it back to me, “Oh yeah, Tetsuo told me about it. He said it’s some kind of networking thing or something.” Among words in list of words to be negatively connoted–networking. In the present participle form, it’s 恶心, yuck, like a slimy handshake, knowing all the lines perfectly for your 吹自己牛 nice-to-meet-you-what-do-YOU-do-as-in-what-can-you-do-for-me kind of smirk. But hey, that’s a pretentious attitude refusing to deal with reality, now isn’t it? Could the thousands on myspace, friendster, and my giant stack of 名片 be wrong? Man needs man, even if it’s alien (I finally watched Solaris last night, it’s amazing). Networking implies something discursive, it moves to the level of culture, and, even if it’s superficial, it derives meaning from a discursive history. Would Wittgenstein say “We’ll keep in touch”?In noun form, the network is a giant and heady flag of our, add the sound of horns here, ahem, postmodern age. It is the price of oil and the blood attached to it; it is The Matrix; it is Kevin Bacon; it is MSN Messenger as office internal communication; it is French kids in Clichy-sous-Bois filming themselves with their mobile phones while they burn the streets then sell the footage to television stations. It is all of this, tangled into one incestuous whole. And somehow, it gains a certain objectivity in its vastness, the overwhelming inability to comprehend the, well—too simply stated—largeness. As in Alistair suddenly lying on his back in the middle of the interview, hands folded behind his head, this kind of feeling. But then it’s not objective at all anymore, becoming instead an indulgence in nostalgia for the present, as we are so often apt to do these days, making paintings that look like graphic design and engaging in voyeurism as the highest form of fantasy. Amidst the loss of ability to say anything new, anything of value, let’s document everything. Let’s make an archive because we don’t know exactly what we want, and actually, don’t we want everything?There is no point. And that is not among the list to be negatively connoted. Quite the opposite, I am discovering more and more, no point means finding a shape in the absence of a singular goal. Beijing the 坦大饼 pancake, the cookie or the doughnut—it is an experiment in urban yeast. Anouchka says circles, I say spirals. As in learning new words every day. As in trying to describe it to you better.

Posted by 丫 | reply »

« Previous Entries

Next Entries »

.	rss 2.0 | feedburner | del.icio.us
.	this work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
.	site by orange 程康 and ourwork.is.
.	best viewed with your character encoding set to unicode utf-8.